Today when I was running (after my husband convinced me at 7:30am that it wasn’t that humid out, yet….um yeah he was totes lying); I was debating about this blog topic. We all have fears, some of them were created from childhood like being afraid of the dark or maybe the basement, sleeping with the closet open (yep I passed that one down to my daughter, oops sorry Berkeley). Some are much more larger and complicated.
Tomorrow I will be facing a big fear, a fear of failure.
FAIL·URE
/ˈfālyər/
- Lack of success.
- An unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing.
- Me?
As I head back to work one last and time for a job that I left months ago. In my other life I’m an event planner, I’ll be assisting a non-profit with their fundraising event for 200 people, outside, along the beautiful Long Island Sound.
So what does my fear of failure have to do with this situation you may ask? Well, I have to see my old boss. The main reason why I am no longer employed at said place. I briefly saw her yesterday when I popped in to go over final details. The funny part is, she didn’t recognize me. Once she did a double take with her jaw literally wide-opened, she immediately began grilling me on all the details for tomorrow’s big fundraiser. I was vague and polite, the best I could do under the given circumstances because I really wanted to reach out and slap her across the face or give her a pile driver. You know how there’s that one person that has that power over you; to make you feel insignificant, trivial, inconsequential, stupid, etc. yeah she’s MY one person. And tomorrow night, I have to deal with her, all over again. While I won’t be working the fundraiser for her per se, it is for the organization which she is leading, so I will have to please her, perhaps kiss her ass, or at least make sure she is happy, right?
WRONG! I decided, not only during my run, but since I left this place months ago, I’m going to face my fears head on. I’m going to do what I need to do to move forward. So tomorrow night while I’m working, I will make sure the person who hired me is happy, has everything they need to be successful and not care about her and her happiness. Tomorrow I will make a promise to not feel insignificant, stupid, trivial; I will stand up tall, feel important, valuable and not be afraid of failure.
Oh and I think I mentioned this event will be right on Long Island Sound, in fact, the event is benefiting clean water, so the back drop is the Norwalk Harbor; so if things start to go south, I am not above pushing her into the harbor, it will of course be high tide and my biggest finale of all time.
So for those of you out there with fears, no matter how big or small, stand up tall, look them in the eye and face them. Look under that bed, sleep with the closet wide open, go into that basement with the lights off and push your ex-boss into Long Island Sound. Because if you don’t you will live in fear the rest of your life.
xoxo
Heidi Hanson Photography 